That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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