I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
