There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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