Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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