We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
