Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
