No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
