dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
