i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
