i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
