So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he puts the penis in happiness.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When are your genitals available?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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