dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
