Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
