All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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