Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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