Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i out mim tonsoeep
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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