Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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