nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
