I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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