So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
