i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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