Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize