I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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