I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
