So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
