Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
