a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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