I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
