Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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