Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
