I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize