Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
