Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
