Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The air taste purple.
Randomize
