Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
