I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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