i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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