i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
