I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
