Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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