The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize