glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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