just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
