dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
