at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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