She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
