when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
