Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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