I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize