Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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