He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
