She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
