Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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