Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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