I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
