I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
