remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it glows. i had to have it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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