So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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