M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
