I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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