So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
