hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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