I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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