I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
