i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
