Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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