All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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