giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize