is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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